bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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