My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
