you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
