Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
