I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
