I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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