So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
