I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
