I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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