Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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