Swine flu. Run for my life!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
