I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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