just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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