Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
