New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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