Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
