dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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