totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
