Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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