I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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