wanna go halves on a baby?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
