I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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