So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
