Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
