Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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