I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
