Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
