so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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