so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
