Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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