I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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