Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
