he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
