I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You may now shotgun with the bride
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
