It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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