After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
