Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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