My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
