sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
don't judge my taste in strippers
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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