Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
