My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
worst night to have a conscience
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is the high leading the old right now
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
