Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
