I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Even my vagina gasped.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize