When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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