i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
