I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
