In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
