You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize