what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
