I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
