u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
