i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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