did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
