The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize