They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
