Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
