i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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