Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
