I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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