thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
