i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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