Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
