I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
