Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
