Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
