I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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