I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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