my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
