Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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