Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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