Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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