That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
