i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
