First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
