I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
