Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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