No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
