remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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