i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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