i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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