Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
