You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Everything about him screamed your future.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i think my cat just said my name.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
