Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
