Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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