had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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