Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize