he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
