Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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