"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize