I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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