How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
