if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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