Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
