He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
