You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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