I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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