Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't deserve a penis
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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