I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
