rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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