sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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